saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
