Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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