The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
