Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
