id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she looked like the before picture.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
