I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
