I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
