in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
