Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
