I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
