I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
third nipple confirmed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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