And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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