are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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