I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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