I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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