He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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