I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
