felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
