this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
