Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Enjoy the penises
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
