somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
