The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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