it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
