He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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