margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
