Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
"it" just moved
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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