One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
