peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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