I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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