the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
