literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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