Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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