Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
