well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
