shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm passing your future prison.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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