She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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