Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't turn off my feet"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
