I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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