Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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