After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
