and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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