____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
