The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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