I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
