I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
