My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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