Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize