I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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