Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
