i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
