You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
