I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
