Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
