Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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