You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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