Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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