Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
