I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
only if we run a train.
done.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
