she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
