good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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