Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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