I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
