I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
