Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
